Monday, January 31, 2005

From the Economist... hand in hand... across barriers... Friendship! 


dk scribbled
6:52 PM
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Monday, January 24, 2005

Disgusted by reality

Is there any one in this world who is successful but not pompous?!!

I felt like scolding some people in the face today. Money coughed out by some parents might seem really like nothing to them... but why can't they be more sensitive to the needs and concerns and problems faced by these families. Not everyone was born or live in such comfort of high-life and all. Yes. It seems totally condescending to me.

Having lived before life with simply egg and rice for meals... yes.

The disgruntlement I feel within me... each inch of the bow I play I ache... tired.
Tired of reality. Why do people tend to be so different when they become successful. Is it simply me? Or would i (if one day I strike achievements). Would I follow their route and have some people cursing and swearing at me. Would I be able to remain the one I always believe I am... today?

Power... an inclination or an obsession of abolute!

Today I learnt a concept... realistic. People group together not because of common interests but because of their exclusions... we feel excluded from a group that's why we seek refuge in anothe group... we don't want to feel excluded so we group up!

Wonderful... people, power!

What else. I'm buzzing with crappy thoughts within. I'm overflowing now.

Better rest... anyway today's patron's day and I had fun with the SSS, dare to dream, my BGS group, Obligato and in general... the school friends... left something with Z... wonder if she realised it... ha... Am I giving it up yet... Only heaven knows.

dk scribbled
11:28 PM
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Friday, January 21, 2005

Beauty & the Beast: the truth is... the beast is the one who has the beautiful soul and heart... right from the beginning... love's blind & innocently so... beautiful. 

dk scribbled
2:36 PM
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Wednesday, January 19, 2005

A snowing day... but hope shines on us... nevertheless. 

dk scribbled
9:22 PM
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Sound of colours. 

dk scribbled
9:21 PM
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Friends across oceans... 

dk scribbled
9:20 PM
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Sunday, January 16, 2005

Thinking

I've been thinking quite a bit over the weekend...

Muddled in the piles of assignments that ramble through my head... why am I trying to do so many things now?

Is it simply trying to out-wit someone or to really test my limits? What for I challenge myself and get out of the rather comfortable "zone" and get so stressed and tired? Reality somehow seems to reflect that I am heading down a path I cannot reverse.

The relation between me and some friends have become a bit milder... a bit colder... especially that special friend out there. Everytime I try to even converse with the friend, I some how feel the restrictions... is it me? Or is it just her? I guess It's probably me... and maybe my over sensitivity to matters. I think being normal friends beat being someone unique or special... there's a sort of commitment that you have to put in and attention that you WANT and GIVE...

Is this world such a cold and paper-driven one?

I'm in a rat race that I never once was in... true... I could just live life away as a normal guy. Just imagine... if I had not entered Chinese High and HCJC... simply living life the way my parents used to... do note that I'm a son of parents who did not have much formal education. I'm proud that the system has done so much good for me. But ironically, I might just die within the system one day. It's a neverending race that goes on and on. An assignment today may just mean another deadline... or it could snowball and imply several other commitments and dates to beat... greed? I don't think it's really greed. It's rather like the society expectations.

Carroll's model of 4 business responsibilities? Societal expectation would evolve what seemed to be a "can do" (voluntarily) to a "should do" (compelled). This is very much what I feel like now... as you climb up the ladder you find more and more stiff competition... higher and higher levels of expectations are beamed upon you... the slightest oversight could just lose you that spot and cause you to crumble.

Theories and fallacies... what are thou? In the world where logic is said to be key. Knowledge is power. But what is so logical when our mere existence might simply be queried. Our tomorrow never a certainty in the calendar. We live the moment and breathe for the next second and chance to survive. I do remember talking to a friend before about existence. Can you imagine that all this is really a dream... a matrix kind of reality. Where everyone is simply existing 'cos you thought they are?

Maybe I should let my brain go loose and enjoy.

Maybe I should compel myself to relax.

I think I'll just head back to prepare for my presentation tomorrow and meeting too.

dk scribbled
11:20 PM
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Tuesday, January 11, 2005

158 + 2 Cranes

Wonder how the journey would be like... it's been 160 days at least and I've kept to the regimental thinking of the person every day and stuff... ha... is it that I am too free and mad? Maybe love-crazy to say the least. Let's see how long I can last now.

An opportunity was presented to me today. Batam & conference. Interesting.

Carpe Diem and I think i'm really trying to make myself more busy than her... wonder if I would succeed... not exactly succeed lah... it's just like living "her" life and understanding "her" views... it's dumbfully sacrifice... maybe it might just pay off someday... yah... someday. I'm not feeling well today... shall rest early... need to send a e-card... going bed soon... Goodnight!

dk scribbled
11:52 PM
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Monday, January 10, 2005

Flu

Caught a flu bug... yup.

Spent my morning of Sunday helping at the grassroots fund-raising for Tsunami.

Evening in school with the ensemble. Getting a hang of the instruments. Need to feel the instrument again.

dk scribbled
1:03 AM
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Sunday, January 09, 2005

My Mailbox... Interesting Finds There...

Was clearing my Mail box... found a psycho-tic test I did...


Your Type is
ESFJ
Extroverted Sensing Feeling Judging
Strength of the preferences %
11 1 22 56
ESFJ type description by D.Keirsey
ESFJ type description by J. Butt

Qualitative analysis of your type formula
You are:
slightly expressed extrovert
slightly expressed sensing personality
slightly expressed feeling personality
moderately expressed judging personality



So is it really true... I really wonder.

dk scribbled
9:56 AM
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Saturday, January 08, 2005

Peace

"Serenity I seek... ignorance is bliss...
Small as a peek... life's ironies tease..."

Some how I feel that I'm not at peace with my self again. Need to find that equilibrium where I can some how get grips of myself. Is it her? I wonder... but the austerity... the peace that I'm trying to get... only becomes complicated 'cos of her.

"Every word weighs... to horse it be hay...
To men it be hey... but No... don't let it be nay..."

dk scribbled
10:05 PM
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Saturday... rainy... boring.

It's a boring saturday and I'm stuck at home... going to eat dinner now... Adieu.

dk scribbled
6:32 PM
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Wednesday, January 05, 2005

An LTB Gathering

The evening was nice as I spent some moments relaxing and eating with my LTB group mates... Marc,Ann,BQ,Ivy. Thanks! :)

This makes me think of the times we had over meetings and at Ju Eng.

Friendship...
Is it something that ends with the end of the purpose? Are men simply a "means" to an end and not the "end" itself? With the materialisation of the world, many are becoming what is often seen as "demuhanising" elements.
Often a fragile equilibrium that can be upset by the slightest of emotions, friends can only be forever or enduring if they trust each other enough... so what's trust? Do you trust someone you just met? I might... and I did. Why? Trust is something you feel intrinsically...


Ok... enough blabbing. Tomorrow still must go sit in the EVN SR to wait for lost sheeps. Hoping the TA role turns out well eventually. Yes... today's XR and Marc's B'day... Happy birthday! :)


I'll find my violin touch someday... and hopefully early! ^ ^

dk scribbled
11:22 PM
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Sunflower

Streams flow in tranquility, never drying up.
Undying this friendship, growing from a tiny bud.
Night skies are beautiful only with stars thus bright,
Fields of maize in Michigan shining a yellowish light;
Let nature rule, and I hope never to rue.
Offering my heart, fill Love that will hold true,
Wishing you are forever and joy your due.
End not smiles this sweet, spreading cheers to all lands.
Reach out. All in laughter, hand in hand.

dk scribbled
11:08 PM
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Kakashi (my favourite Naruto character!) 

dk scribbled
4:27 PM
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My secondary 4 class! 

dk scribbled
4:25 PM
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Sparkle together... whoopz! 

dk scribbled
4:24 PM
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The Birthday cake... yum yum! 

dk scribbled
4:23 PM
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Whoopzzz :) 

dk scribbled
3:59 PM
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My UNSA friends (B'day... Aloha!) 

dk scribbled
3:59 PM
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Tuesday, January 04, 2005

My family on my 21st birthday party (Aloha Changi) 

dk scribbled
2:59 PM
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School...

I'm in school now... waiting for my CT paper.
The BGS class was fun and I guess I am enjoying myself. The project team of Vic,Cheryl, Yuvan. is really strong and I am hoping we'll do great together! :)

Tonight got Guitar meeting (an EGM).
Yup... enjoyed the pizza and the meeting with the MDG yesterday (for UNSA)... yes... we are nearing our IVFC goals... keep it going man!

Looking forward to the string practice... would see a friend I've missed a lot.
Shall go lug my violin around.
Adieu!

dk scribbled
1:42 PM
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First day of school... yes!

It was my first day of school for the term.. .yes! :)

Rushed off in the morning to prepare for the Tsunami Fund-raising logistics... then met Ivy for the FA textbook and notes... ha... then rush back to library and to the CR13 for the logistics.

Yes... met my prof... and I'm going to be his Teaching Assistant. I'm so happy! I think I blabbed a bit too much in the room though, but I did learn quite a bit about political system in the short period together... thanks!

Then crashed QM class but a bit boring. Not taking it yet, maybe just sit in for class.

After that got MDG meeting and Pizza spread... yummy! :) Just email the class for POSC thing... going bed. Goodnight and happy Tuesday too! :)

dk scribbled
1:16 AM
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Monday, January 03, 2005

School

Guess what... I'm still awake... going sleep now. On sunday helped out at the Tsunami fund-raising efforts in SMU... yup... from 5pm preparation. Till around midnight I left school... ha... dreamy.

Thanks for the call & I really appreciate it too... "her"... Yup.

Tomorrow got a few matters to settle, must wake up early too... goodnight!

dk scribbled
1:23 AM
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School

Guess what... I'm still awake... going sleep now. On sunday helped out at the Tsunami fund-raising efforts in SMU... yup... from 5pm preparation. Till around midnight I left school... ha... dreamy.

Thanks for the call & I really appreciate it too... "her"... Yup.

Tomorrow got a few matters to settle, must wake up early too... goodnight!

dk scribbled
1:23 AM
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Saturday, January 01, 2005

New Year's Day

Today is New Year's Day... so my family went out for dinner!
Ha...
Ate: Frog Legs, deer meat, fish head, seafood... yummy! :)
Tomorrow going school for a meeting... really hope the fund-raising goes through smoothly... monday need to start mdg stuff... meet riccardo discuss... attend my first lecture... ha... oh yah... arrange for String Ensemble practice.
Tomorrow she's coming back to Singapore... wonder if she would call me... Waiting.

dk scribbled
9:51 PM
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My Own Violin. 

dk scribbled
7:03 PM
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Together 和你在一起

Watched a movie today at home... a vcd...
"Together", a film by Chen Kaige 陈凯歌... eyes swelling (tears).
A film based in china about family, kin-ship... and passion for music - violin.

It was about how a little boy, Xiao Chun, struggled to develop his talent in the violin. He won several competitions ever since young in his village... and the county. His dad was a cook who was down to earth and the typical country bumpkin. He would not accept gifts and money that people push to him in appreciation of his son's contribution or playing. Later Xiao Chun received an invitation to play in the national violin competition.

He came in 5th, due not to the lack of talent (as the judges actually find him the best in the field) but due to him having no connections in the city of Beijing (unlike some other contestants). Xiao Chun moves on and finds a teacher... a teacher who taught Xiao Chun how to feel the music. Play an instrument without the instrument. And Xiao Chun interestingly learnt about friendship in his encounter with a lady (whom he later calls "jie"). Xiao chun tries to discover his talent as he comes to grips with his adolescence... and interest in the opposite sex... and his rebellious streak that eventually evolved.

Xiao Chun's dad worked really hard just to pay for the school fees and the father and son moved from living in bath houses to lowly quarters...

Later on Xiao Chun's dad decided to change violin teacher for him. Xiao Chun's first teacher could only teach him violin skills... but cannot bring success to him... In the realistic world today, success does not mean just skills, it is about power, connections and money.

Xiao Chun's dad, after much struggle, and with the help of the "jie" of xiao chun, managed to get the new professor to teach xiao chun... who later developed into a prim and proper young man. *Xiao Chun is only 13 when he first stepped into Beijing, from the villages*

As the new professor taught Xiao Chun and groomed him for success, Xiao chun learnt about kinship. Something he had felt but yet not expressed. *I could relate to him... really... it was something there in me too*

The story behind this kinship...
Xiao Chun's "dad" was actually someone who picked him up at the train station. His actual mum and dad had abandoned him and left him there, only with a violin. All the while, the "dad" had never revealed this secret to Xiao Chun... he raised him up single-handedly... knitting for him... caring for him... ensuring he can develop his talent in the violin. Xiao Chun's second teacher in Beijing revealed this secret to him and this welled up emotions. The devotion a "dad" had given to him has made something foster become "blood-tied". The violin that Xiao Chun was left with had a great significance. He pawned the violin to buy a precious present that his "jie" loved dearly... this brought a big saga that eventually was resolved. Despite raising enough money to redeem the violin, Xiao Chun's "dad" and "jie" never could recover it as the violin was already bought by someone. It eventually turned out the xiao chun's 2nd teacher had bought it to prevent xiao chun from giving up on success... the teacher wanted him to practise the violin till he can achieve critical acclaim... develop emotions for the music itself, not just for the violin.

Little did the teacher realise... the passion of playing in the little boy... was always within him and in his love for music, his love for the violin (That his dad had always said as being left behind by his "mum")... and his love for his "dad"... Emotions that are so sincere and true.

Love for parents... a love within the family... something in everyone of us that we might have overlooked sometimes... something in us that will always be the passion and driving force that can keep us going... Ups & Downs, the family would be there. Sacrifices the family has made for the child... the child can least imagine. Treasure the family... treasure your family... and mine.

dk scribbled
4:38 PM
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Blossom! 

dk scribbled
12:31 PM
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My Primary School (1995) - Lian Hua Primary School that is tucked away in Bukit Batok. :) 

dk scribbled
12:25 PM
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HCJC 99S65, 00S65, 01S65... in 2001 January (I think lah)... good memories. 

dk scribbled
12:13 PM
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Me & Brother... NDP 2003! 

dk scribbled
12:12 PM
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The 4 Youngsters (Istana 2002). 

dk scribbled
12:10 PM
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My QM department (at Yuan Yang Da Dao, Taiwan). 

dk scribbled
12:09 PM
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My Brother Bear (which I bought in Taiwan on second day of the Lunar New Year 2004... before watching "Torque" at the Cinema). 

dk scribbled
11:13 AM
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Me (with Zhang Fengqi) in Taiwan, 2004. 

dk scribbled
11:12 AM
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What is Love? 

dk scribbled
2:45 AM
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Lower Primary Singing. 

dk scribbled
2:42 AM
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Me & Yu Jia (from Yunnan with Love... a Primary3 child). 

dk scribbled
2:40 AM
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Standing before a snowy mountain... 

dk scribbled
2:39 AM
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